this form not intended for use by miners

                           BARKLEY MARATHONS
                             100 MILE RUN

                            55 mile fun run

     Put this down.  Get away from it.  You are holding a one way
ticket thru the portals of Hell. One way in and only one way out.

     The Barkley is not the most imposing 100 miler. Only 2000'
separate the highest and lowest points. Yet, somehow, year after
year nobody finishes. Why? Because, eventually, everybody quits.
Maybe it is the endless gut-wrenching climbs. Maybe it is the leg-
wrenching descents. Maybe it is the sawbriers and blackberries.
     Maybe it is because the Barkley is truly man against the
mountain. We don't have cute little glo-lights every hundred feet.
If you can't find your way, you shouldn't be in the woods. No
gourmet stands every half mile. You are lucky we put out water.
     The Barkley is not for the pretty boys. The Barkley takes away
your speed and leaves you a struggling shadow of yourself. The
Barkley runner must be tough. A thousand foot per mile elevation
change exacts a heavy toll. He must be savvy. Finding your way with
a map is easy if you know how. Knowing where you are on a remote
mountainside at night requires no little skill. He must be self
reliant.  At the Barkley we provide a venue, and render it
reasonably safe. The rest is between you, the mountain, and that
little voice inside you that says " Mommy, it is too hard, I want
to quit."
     There are reasons that the fun-run averages only 2 finishers
a year. There are reasons that no one has ever finished the 100. To
know the Barkley is to know humility...and fear.
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Date: April 1, 1995 : packet pickup March 31
Starting Time: Saturday morning
Time Limit: 55 miles, 36 Hours : 100 Miles, 60 Hours
Location: Frozen Head State Natural Area
          Don't ask, if you can't find the park on your own, then
          you don't belong "out there".
Average Weather: Temperatures 0 to 80 f. Possibly during the same
          race. Rain, snow, sleet, hail, hot sun have all occured
          in the past.
Requirements: Rigorous requirements must be met: NO women. They are
too soft. No children. They are too small. No Californians. This
race is not cool. NO soccer fans. Soccer sucks. NO marines. They
don't biodegrade. NO yankees. We don't want them buried here. NO
wimps, worms, slugs, or weenies. They don't got what it takes. And
most of all, NO Health Fascists. We encourage smoking during the
race.
Course Profile: Gently rolling, numerous downhills (27,000' in the
fun-run alone). Very scenic.
Trail Description: Varies. Some of it ain't for sissies.

Recomended Clothing: Enough to get thru briers. You should carry
          emergency gear. (dry clothing, matches, etc.)
Aid: Access to your car @ 20 mile intervals. Water @ 5-8 mile
          intervals.
Fee: $1.55 and a pair of thick, warm boot socks.
Entry Limit: 25 runner limit. Selection by whim.
Your chances of finishing: You Will Not Complete the 100 Mile Run.
          You have about a 10% chance in the fun-run.

ESSAY: ALL ENTRANTS ARE REQUIRED TO COMPLETE AN ESSAY ON "WHY I
          SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO RUN IN THE BARKLEY".*

*  include discussion of all issues involving deorative wood
shavings, unnecessary surgery, Tommy Lasorda, uninspected poultry,
shampoo, duck costumes, reptiles, investment bankers, and unwanted
hairs.
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     send entry to: Idiot
                    233 Union Ridge
                    War Trace, TN 37183

NAME:_________________________________AGE:_____(in Mercurian years)

ADDRESS:_____________________________________SEX: Y/N

CITY:__________________________________ST____HAT SIZE:_____

FAVORITE PARASITE:_________________________________________________

Complete the following: You can never know too much about fungus,

because..._________________________________________________________

                     *** read before signing ***

     I KNOW THE BARKLEY IS A GRUELING, GRIM, AND HAZARDOUS EVENT,
WITH MINIMAL OPPORTUNITY FOR SUCCESS. I SWEAR TO OPERATE STRICTLY
WITHIN SAFE PARAMETERS. RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY SAFETY IS ENTERELY MY
                               OWN

SIGNED ______________________________________________DATE_________

WITNESS______________________________________________
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DEFFN: Fool- enters the Barkley
       Moron- enters the Barkley, expects to finish
       Idiot- enters the Barkley, thinks he will do the 100
       Sissy- does not enter the Barkley