WHY SHOULD I WANT TO RUN THE BARKLEY

Somebody told me the Barkley Marathon is a good place to qualify
for Boston.  I heard the course is very scenic with gently rolling
hills.  So to get ready, I've been setting my treadmill (where I do
most of my training to avoid turns, uneven pavement, yecchy
weather, etc.) to a 2% grade once a week.  It's tough, but I'm
willing to endure.

For your convenience, you can offer water at the odd mile aid
stations and Gatorade at the even miles.  I prefer my drinks with
just a little ice, about 3 or 4 cubes.  I hate it when the cup is
filled with ice and there isn't much liquid in them.  Please fill
the cups 3/4 full and instruct your volunteers to hold them lightly
at the bottom so I don't spill any and muss up my color-coordinated
singlet and racing flats with nasty stains.

Enclosed is $2.  I don't have exact change handy, so please send me
my change, payable in cash or by certified cashiers check, by
overnight mail or wire transfer as soon as possible.  I understand
I am entitled to a full refund of my entry fee if I am not
satisfied with the course, for example if all the turns aren't
marked with signs, cones, and volunteers to direct me, or if it's
too hot, cold, windy, sunny, foggy, or cloudy, or if I don't like
the awards or T-shirts, or if the mile splits aren't accurate
causing me to run off pace, or if for any other reason I run too
slow and it's your fault.  If possible, please reserve a seeded
number so I can start at the front of the pack and not be delayed
in crossing the starting line.

                         -- Matt "I am not a wimp" Mahoney